According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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