apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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