That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
