We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
