Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
