ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
