Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
