My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
