Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
