i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
