I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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