You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
