He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
