Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no you cant smoke seaweed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
