Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Welp...herpes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize