your parents love me but you hate me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
