I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
