He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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