Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
