Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
