My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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