Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this just has baby written all over it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
