My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And then he peed in my hair
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