i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
