I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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