i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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