do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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