The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do vagina's smell?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
