He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
