These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
