I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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