dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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