No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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