The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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