How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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