So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
