I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize