Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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