Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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