Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
