Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
