Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
