worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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