I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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