NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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