shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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