Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
