you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
