I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
