woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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