i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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