Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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