just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
