??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
