my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We talked him into tasing himself.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
