feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
