can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
