Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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