no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
