Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize