I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
