you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
