I just saw a hot homeless man
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
