I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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