HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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