margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's blow job season.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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