Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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