Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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