I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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