I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
