my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize