so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my poor anus
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
