And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
